Tuesday, January 5, 2016

New Year...New Life

I normally tend to stay away from very personal things going on in my life...My goal has always been to inspire and bring some bit of joy to your lives through my work.

As we have stepped into this new year, I feel an importance to share lessons that I have experienced over the last couple years of deep personal struggles.

We go through life and it does change...most of the time at best we stumble and at worst we are face down in the dirt, bloody, and wounded. With help we are able to get back up and start walking again...and with great personal introspection the possibility to take flight.

I have found that my struggles have had a profound change within me. My life as it was, will change and my journey, to date, has unfolded to a beautiful future that I will be able to create.

I would like to share some of my stages, so far, with you, in hopes that if you are in a challenge this may bring you comfort or those who are not- inspiration.


When we are initially faced with a life challenge, we are in shock and really deny that it is even happening. The fog sets in.

We stumble, we fall, even have knee-jerk reactions.
We are tired.

Choice to lie down or stand Up

At this point, we can be defeated...or we can choose to stand up and grind our way through it.
We have a choice..we do.
We are responsible for our own happiness....our own destiny.

We put on our heavy armor.
We find the courage and strength we never knew we had to carry on. 

Facing the Demons

At this point we need the armor. I am so fortunate to have tremendous help in facing the challenges. To fight, walk, or crawl through them...to experience all they are putting out. In retrospect, I can profoundly say that you have to face them head on. It is the only way to get through them and heal. You will find out more about yourself than you could ever realize. You are strong and you are not perfect. That is the balance.

The Fight up the Cliff

It is a hard, hard process. For me it was climbing up a cliff, many times just hanging on but I was not alone...that is the key...you need someone there to help you hang on and navigate the terrain.
Someone to grab your hand when you believe you just can't pull yourself up one more time.

Gaining Wisdom 

As you go through this process, you will gain wisdom and that gives you incredible understanding of life and choices you have made and are making.  You are able to get up over the cliff and stand there..maybe even seeing your future way off in the distance. At this time, I still had some clouds hanging over my head but was able to see the sun ahead, still fully aware that the land in front of me held many bumps.
(altered) photo- SM Bukhar

Shedding the Armor

And now, I am standing strong with moments of weak shaking legs. I am able to shed my armor but still carry my trusted sword (my wisdom).

The interesting thing about shedding your armor, now you feel everything, but not in a tragic way. You are able to feel the happiness as well as the sorrows without letting them define you. They are part of life and you have learned from them and appreciate them for that.


As I have walked and crawled through this journey, my art was a strong hold in keeping me balanced. With all the chaos going on around me I found that creating beauty was so very important to express life.

The Four Seasons (of Life)*
Summer, Spring, Winter, Fall
* I will have articles about each of these pieces
in Art Doll Quarterly  for the next four issues 
Winter 2015- Autumn 2016

Finding my Wings

It took many years of holding tight to my armor with great control. With these life struggles it was not only singed and beaten but I was able to remove it to reveal a strong woman who can now see the beauty in all things tragic and happy.

I still have a ways to go in my healing journey, do you ever find the end? does it matter?

I have found that my heart is more open than it has ever been and I believe that I am more myself than I have every been. I have plans for my career...and my life? I have given up control...(well -ok still catching myself) and am filled with joy at the surprises and beauty that have already entered into my life.

My heart is filled with gratitude for the people who have been there for me in the years and even in the moments. I would not of made it without you.
“Then right before my eyes, she flew. She actually flew like a bird. No, she flew as a ...woman might fly, if people were meant to fly. She soared through the air. And that changed the course of (her) life forever.”
― James PattersonWhen the Wind Blows

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